Last Resort
by dabbling
Summary: A hostage situation puts the Cartwrights in a position they've never been before. Will Pa ever forgive Little Joe? Features the whole family.
1. Chapter 1

Last Resort

Chapter 1

"It sure is dark in here," Joe commented, shivering slightly. "Smells terrible, too."

"Hoss probably wouldn't think it smelled so terrible."

Joe chuckled. "Yeah, I bet he wouldn't. Nothin' smells better to him than moldy potatoes." In the dim light, Joe saw Adam's cheek ball up and knew he had smiled. "We gotta get outta here, Adam."

"That's just what I've been thinking, brother."

Little Joe struggled with the ropes that bound his wrists together. "If only I could get my hands untied, I bet I could find something useful in here!"

"Forget it, Joe, we've been over this cellar a hundred times."

"And what would you have us do? Sit and wait until Pa and Hoss can save us?"

"No, after this morning, I think we both know that's impossible. They're using us, Joe. We're their ticket to freedom."

A sudden, overwhelming sense of despair overtook the younger man, and he sighed heavily. "There wasn't a thing Pa or Hoss could do."

"Well, not a thing they would do, anyway."

"What do you mean by that, Adam?"

Even though he could barely see him, Joe knew his brother well enough that he could see his movements clearly in his mind... leaning forward, setting elbows to knees, looking away for a moment as he collected his thoughts. "It's like this, Joe, when a man takes another human being hostage, it's because he knows that someone cares for that person enough that they won't want them hurt. Take this morning, Gaffon and his pal had us right there, at the end of a gun, in front of Pa and Hoss."

"Nothing they could do."

"Nothing they could do if they didn't want us hurt."

"Adam, you're talkin' in circles; would you get to a point?"

"Think about it, Joe. What if they shot us down?"

"Us?"

"Yeah, you and me. If they shot us down, then what would Gaffon have?"

"Nothing."

"Right. That would be the end of it."

"Are you saying you think Pa and Hoss should have shot us?"

"Of course I didn't think so at the time, but hindsight is clear vision, brother. That's the only way out of that kind of situation."

A cold silence settled over them, and then Joe heard Adam's boots scrape the dirt as he got to his feet. "What are you doing?"

"I'm goin' over this place again. We gotta find a way outta here."

* * *

"Here's a bunch of tracks, Pa," Hoss called. He hopped down off of Chubb and squatted to look at them more closely. Before long, his father and the Sheriff squatted beside him.

"Looks like they headed up the Slackee Wash Trail."

"Too much time wasted! They're miles ahead of us by now. Miles!" Ben slapped his hat against his leg angrily, and a puff of dust greeted the air.

"Hoss, ain't there a little homestead out by Slackee Wash?"

The big man turned to the sheriff and grinned slightly. "Danged if there ain't, Sheriff. I'll bet anything they stopped and holed up in there!"

As they prepared to mount, Ben felt the Sheriff's hand on his shoulder. "Comin' for me didn't waste no time, Ben. We've got enough men now to match 'em, gun for gun, if we have to."

Ben frowned, nodded slightly, and swung himself into the saddle.

* * *

"Joe, come here!" Joe headed in the direction of Adam's voice, his bound hands groping in front of him. "Ow! Watch where you're goin'!"

"Sorry, Adam."

"Squat down here," Adam said, immediately forgetting the incident. Joe did as he was told. "You feel that?"

"Feels like a breeze or somethin'."

"It is a breeze. I think there's a hole behind this barrel. Help me move it?"

"You betcha!" Joe moved to the opposite side of the barrel and the two men struggled to shove the barrel a foot away from the wall. "Well?" Joe asked impatiently.

"Seems to be a cave." Adam's voice was muffled by the rock around him. "There's no telling if it's a way out or not."

"Well, there's only one way to find out!" Joe said, and followed his brother into the tunnel.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

At long last, the two scraped their way out of the cave, to freedom. Adam held his bound hands out to Joe and helped pull him the final few steps out. Then both men collapsed, smiling and breathing heavily.

The mouth of the cave was just inside a forested area. To his right, Adam could see an open field, and then a small wash. On the other side of the wash was a hill, and no telling what was beyond that. The sun was just beginning to set.

"We'll have a better chance if we split up."

Adam spoke the obvious. Joe frowned. "Yeah."

"You take the woods. I'll head for the wash."

Joe wanted to protest. The trees and brush would provide terrific cover. The man who went that way would surely escape. One look in Adam's eye and he knew it would be a hopeless battle.

Adam lifted his bound hands and shoved them gently against Joe's chest. "With any luck, we'll be on the Ponderosa by morning." Then Adam smiled.

"Yeah," Joe smiled, trying to sound confident. He tapped his hands against the older man's knee. "See ya, brother." With that, he turned and ran into the woods.

Adam looked after him a moment, then ran in the opposite direction.

* * *

"Ain't no use. It's too dark to see anything now. We're liable to be tramplin' right over the tracks we need."

"You're right, Hoss. We'll stop here for the night." Roy turned to the others and held up his hand. "Ho!" He shouted, and the posse stopped.

"C'mon, Pa. You gotta try and rest." He watched his father dismount, and noted the angry look on his face. "We'll get 'em, Pa. They'll be all right."

Ben turned to Hoss and stared right through him. Then he turned on his heel and began setting up camp.

* * *

Joe ran so hard that he could feel the fire in his lungs. He dare not slow down, though. He knew that Gaffon's men wouldn't be far behind, and they had horses. He gasped in a fiery breath and forced his feet to quicken. Just then, the ground beneath him gave way.

Joe tumbled and slid in the musty dirt, grasping at anything to try and stop himself, but it was no use. His head struck a rock and the dirt moved him further, but Joe, unconscious, was unaware of the last few feet.

* * *

Adam struggled up the bank on the other side of the wash. It was steeper than it had looked, but he knew that his only chance was to get over that bank, where he wouldn't be easily spotted. He'd slipped and fallen into the water twice, but now- wet, cold, and scraped- Adam was determined. He found that he could use the rope that bound his hands to get a sturdier grip on the rocks and roots that he used as handholds. In this way, he struggled up the bank and finally reached the top.

The man allowed himself a moment to rest, and took in these new surroundings. Hearing a shout, he craned his neck in the direction from which he'd come and saw Gaffon's men gathered around the cave mouth he and Joe'd just exited.

With a new sense of urgency, Adam rolled over and got to his feet. Unfortunately, the top of the embankment supported only a small grove of trees. The trees gave way to dry prairie, and finally to rocky ground. Glancing around quickly, Adam knew the rocks were his only hope. He ran full out toward them.

He heard the hoofbeats behind him, but Adam couldn't risk a look. He ran harder, and planned the route he would take through the rocks to the top of the hill. Once on higher ground, he would be able to defend himself; if nothing else, throwing rocks at his pursuers.

His mind was so entirely focussed on the path ahead that Adam never noticed the small boulder at his feet. In an instant he was flat on his face. The click of a gun hammer behind him told him it was over. Adam slowly got back onto his feet and stood face to face with Gaffon. His breath was still heavy from the running, and he took pains to try and still his heaving chest.

"Where do you think you're going?" Gaffon asked from behind the barrel of his gun.

The other men with Gaffon held their guns on him now, too, and their leader carefully set his own in his holster. Stepping forward, he punched Adam square in the jaw, making him stagger.

When he didn't fall down, Gaffon was angry. He tackled Adam and wrestled him to the ground, where he pummeled him with punches.

"For God's sake don't kill him!" One of the men shouted. Gaffon glanced at the now unconscious man below him. He reached out his hand and shoved Adam's face the other way.

"Take him back to the camp!" he snarled, wiping his bloody hands on his handkerchief. In silence, the man mounted and rode back.

* * *

Joe heard the voices echoing in the cave and struggled to keep his breath silent. A glimmer of light shone against the rocks ahead of him, and Joe's heart beat furiously.

"Looks like he fell right through!"

"Well, get on down there and find him!"

"All right, all right, I'm goin'. You ain't gotta rush me!"

The light drew nearer. Joe desperately wanted to crawl deeper into the cave, but he knew the men were close enough to hear him. He held his breath and watched the light grow brighter. It rocked this way and that on the cave wall and then stopped.

"Well? You see him?"

"Naw. Looks like a cave in or somethin'. In fact, it looks like it's still cavin' in!"

Joe listened to the dirt streaming in from the ceiling and prayed silently.

"Let's get outta here. If he's in there, he's as good as dead!"

The voices mumbled an argument, and then Joe saw the light grow fainter as they climbed back out of the cave. He waited, and then expelled a long sigh of relief. After a few more minutes of silence, he wriggled his way out of the dirt he was lying in. By the time Joe reached the woods, his head was pounding and he was a little dizzy. He looked around and wiped the side of his head as best he could with his arms. Joe resolved to be more careful where he stepped, and moved on into the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

In the dim light of dawn, Roy Coffee set a pot of coffee on to boil. His peripheral vision detected movement in the trees nearby, and he sat on his heels, watching and listening. He heard the snap of a twig.

Roy drew his gun and moved cautiously toward the source of the sound. Just then, a ragged and weary Little Joe Cartwright stumbled out of the trees and collapsed at his feet.

"Little Joe?" He shoved his gun in its holster and reached down for the fallen man. He lifted his head. "Joe, you all right, boy?"

Joe whined something incoherent and Roy turned his head back toward camp. "Ben, Hoss! Get over here!"

Ben was the first to arrive. "Joseph!" He cried and pulled the boy into a hug.

"Pa... pa!" Unable to return the embrace, Joe pushed his head against his father's chest.

"Little Joe!" Hoss shouted when he saw him.

"I'll get some water. Hoss, see if you can't get those ropes off his hands." Roy hurried back to the campsite. Hoss retrieved a pocket knife from his pants and sawed at the ropes until they snapped loose. Joe whined in pain, then sat up with his father's help.

"Joe, what about Adam?"

"We both got out... together... went separate ways..."

"Okay, okay. Here, have some water." Hoss held the canteen to Joe's lips as Ben held his head.

"I went into the woods, and Adam went towards the wash."

"Well, with any luck, he's safe too. Now, let's get you settled in to get some rest." The two Cartwrights picked up Little Joe and helped him to Ben's bedroll.

* * *

He felt the pain in his jaw first, then noticed his lips were swollen. Adam ran his tongue along his lips, tasting the blood and feeling the sting in the places they were split. When he tried to raise a hand to his jaw, he found he couldn't move his arms. Adam forced his eyes open.

No longer in the cellar, Adam was now tied to a porch post of the cabin. Gaffon's men milled about the place aimlessly, just killing time. Gaffon himself was whittling, waiting for the sun to come up full.

Silently, Adam counted the men. Eight. If they were all here, there was a good chance that Joe had gotten away... or had been killed. He frowned, cleared his throat and tried to shift his position as much as the ropes would allow.

"Gaffon! He's up!" one of the men called from beside him. He then turned his attention to Adam. "Want a drink?"

Adam licked his lips again and nodded. The man held a canteen for him and let him have a few sips.

"Break camp! Everyone, let's go!" Gaffon shouted, tossing his stick away.

In a matter of minutes Adam was atop a horse, swaying unsteadily in the saddle. He concentrated his efforts on maintaining his balance, something that never entered his mind under normal circumstances.

* * *

"Hoss, you get Joe back to the ranch. I'll stay with the posse until we find Adam."

"No, Pa," Joe protested. "I'm comin' with you."

"Joseph, I want you home where I know you're safe."

"No, Pa."

"Joseph," Ben warned.

"Pa, if I'm with you I'll be safe, too. Besides, I gotta know about Adam. I'll go crazy sittin' at home waitin' to find out."

Ben frowned but relented.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Adam didn't realize the horse had stopped until someone yanked him from the saddle. He landed in a heap on the ground, then struggled to get to his feet while Gaffon tugged at his arm.

"Don't you try it!" Gaffon warned, shoving his colt against Adam's temple. Adam flinched when he felt the cold steel against his skin.

"You hurt my son, Gaffon, and you've signed your own death warrant," Ben warned.

Adam searched the rocks ahead until he found his Pa's hat. Glancing sideways, he saw Hoss, and then Little Joe. "Little Joe," Adam thought.

"Now you listen here, all of ya!" Gaffon screamed. "We're gettin' outta here, and we're goin' on the old logging road. You want your boy alive, then we'd best not see a soul on the way. Once we're safely out of the territory, we'll cut him loose."

Adam straightened up as much as he could and stared hard at Little Joe.

The rifle was rested against the boulder he was using for cover. Joe watched the interchange between them, outlaws and posse, evil and good. It was just like before. And since he'd escaped, they'd made it impossible for Adam. He'd seen him hunched over in the saddle, seen the new bruises on his face. Now he saw Adam's eyes, staring at him. Joe stared back a moment, knowing without words what his brother wanted and trembling at the thought of it.

Suddenly, Gaffon jerked Adam, hard, and after a brief moment, Adam's urgent eyes found his again. Joe raised the rifle.

"Joseph!" Ben whispered hoarsely. "Don't, it's too risky!"

Slowly, Little Joe took careful aim.

His father's shout did not deter him. The rifle cracked, and Adam fell to the ground, out of Gaffon's grip. Almost immediately, Gaffon tossed his gun away and held up his hands.

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!"

Some of Gaffon's men galloped away, only to be pursued by members of the posse. Roy apprehended Gaffon, while Ben and Hoss rushed to tend Adam. Joe was frozen in place. The only movement he made was the lowering of the rifle to the ground.

He stared, wide-eyed, praying that his brother was still alive. He watched Hoss pick him up, saw the blood-stained arm and the smeared clothes of his Pa. So much blood...

"Joe?" The voice, soft, came again. "Joe?"

"Huh?" he managed. Turning, he saw it was the Sheriff. "I-Is he- is A-Adam?"

"He's alive. They're taking him to Doc Martin. You'd best go along, too."

"But I-"

"Now, Joe, it was an accident, pure and simple. You were aiming for Gaffon, I know that. Now you get on that horse and get to town. Your family's gonna need you with 'em."

Joe tried to swallow, to push his heart back down out of his throat. Silently, he climbed onto the horse and followed. Once, Ben turned and saw him, and by the look in his eyes, Joe knew that he knew. His body felt like ice.

* * *

"Aw, c'mon, now Joe. It was an accident. Like that time Adam shot you, huntin' that wolf."

Between sobs, Joe managed to sputter, "Pa hates me. He hates me for it!"

"Joe, it was an accident! Sure Pa's upset now, but give him time, he'll understand."

"He already does understand! I shot my own brother!"

"On accident! You were aimin' for Gaffon, we all know that!"

"No, Hoss. I aimed right."

There was a terrible silence, as Hoss tried to understand the words his brother had just spoken. When his voice returned, it was almost a hiss. "You what?"

"I aimed at Adam. I shot him, Hoss, and Pa knows it! Oh, God, I shot my own brother!" Burying his face in his arms, Joe sobbed uncontrollably. He desperately hoped Hoss would understand, and console him.

Hoss was too stunned to offer any support to his younger brother. He took a step back, jaw dropped, staring at the man and trying to decide just who it was he was staring at. Finally, he turned on his heel and joined his Pa in the other room.

* * *

There was a burning in his side, and Adam squirmed to try and relieve it. The movement only intensified the pain, though, and he moaned. Pa's hand felt warm and comforting on his cheek. He turned his face toward it, and shortly after managed to open his eyes.

Ben smiled and brushed his thumb over Adam's cheek. "Hello, son."

Adam smiled weakly.

"Ready for some water?"

Adam wasn't sure he was ready, but he was certainly thirsty. He nodded, and allowed his Pa to hold him up and give him a drink. He took another sip, and was overcome with exhaustion.

"Pa?" Adam whispered as his head nestled back against the pillow.

"Right here, son."

Adam forced his eyes open and glanced around the room. "Hoss," he said as his eyes landed upon his brother.

"I'm here, too, brother." Hoss reached down and gave Adam's leg a squeeze through the covers.

"Joe?" Adam asked.

Ben and Hoss exchanged a quick, uneasy glance. "You need your rest, son."

Adam shrugged Ben's hand away and asked again. "Joe?" Ben gripped his hand and Adam squeezed it. "Need to talk to... Joe."

Ben motioned to Hoss to go get Joe, and turned back to Adam. "Hoss has gone to get him. You rest easy, son."

Hoss went out into the sitting room and was surprised to find that Joe wasn't there. He searched the room quickly, then the kitchen. Outside, he checked the porch and even the outhouse. No sign of Little Joe. He went back inside, to the room Adam was in.

"Pa, Little Joe's gone," he whispered, hoping Adam couldn't hear.

"No matter, Adam's drifted off again anyway." They turned their eyes to Adam, then Ben continued. "You'd best find him. Adam'll likely ask for him again."

"Yes sir," Hoss nodded, and then left the room, stopping briefly to pick up his hat and place it on his head.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Hoss checked the saloons first, then the hotel bar, then all the other places where men could be found gambling or consorting with women. Joe was nowhere to be found. He asked Joe's friends when he ran into them, but no one had seen him. The horse Joe rode into town on was still stabled at the livery, so he had to be in town somewhere.

Hoss lifted his hat to scratch his head and looked up the street. He still didn't fully understand what Joe had said earlier, but in thinking about it, he realized just how upset the boy was. In that realization, he understood that he was still Little Joe, after all.

Now Hoss' aggravation turned to worry. Joe had been terribly upset, and he hadn't even tried to comfort him. All his life, Joe had been the favorite of their Pa, and now he felt that his father hated him. Hoss wrung his hands together and paused his glance at every building on main street. He stared at one longer than the others. It was worth a try, anyway.

At first the room seemed deserted, but as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw a shadow move slightly. Out of habit, Hoss removed his hat and walked in. His boots clacked loudly against the floorboards. Little Joe was there, hunched over in the seat, holding his head in his hands. He was no longer sobbing, but his face was puffy from it. Hoss sat down next to him and stared at the empty pulpit.

"I went out lookin' for ya," he began, "It never even occured to me to look for ya here." There followed a long silence.

"Adam?" Joe asked in a whispered breath.

"He woke up, said he wanted to talk to ya." Hoss detected a sigh of relief. "Listen, Joe... I weren't very fair to ya earlier. I guess I was just so daggum surprised by what ya said I didn't quite know how to act." His little brother took a deep breath and ran a hand through his tangled curls.

"Tell me all of it, Joe."

"Hoss, I can't."

Hoss desperately wanted to know why, to understand what had happened, but he restrained himself from asking. Instead, he sat quietly, letting Joe take the lead.

"I thought he wanted me to. He was lookin' right at me like... like-" The tears welled up again, but Joe didn't allow them to fall. "I can't, Hoss. I just can't." He stood and walked back towards the door of the church. Hoss followed, and the two made their way back to Doc Martin's.

* * *

"You'd better get some sleep, Ben. He's not gonna come through this in one or two nights."

"I'll be all right, Paul."

"Ben, I'm not askin' ya, I'm tellin' ya. You talk to Hoss and Joe and set up shifts to stay with him. If the three of you are exhausted you're not gonna be any help to him next week, when the goin' gets tougher."

"What do you mean?" Ben asked, alarmed.

"Right now, he's sleeping a lot. His body's trying to replace the blood he lost. He's also in considerable pain, and the laudanum makes him drowsy as well. In a week, I won't be giving him laudanum. He'll be awake, and hurting. He's gonna need his family to occupy his mind, keep it off the pain."

"But he'll be all right?"

"Barring infection, I believe so."

"I want you in a bed, asleep, tonight."

Ben nodded, and the doctor left the room. Adam was sleeping heavily now, his breaths long and slow. His skin was still pallid, but the wound was no longer bleeding. His mind turned to the events of yesterday, and he could feel the tension in his muscles. The scene replayed in his mind, and he tried to stop Little Joe every time, and every time he saw Joe squeeze the trigger and Adam fall.

Roy tried to convince him that it was an accident, that Joe had been aiming for Gaffon and missed, but Ben knew the truth. He knew the rifle was true, and he knew Joe was an excellent marksman at that distance. He also knew Joe couldn't have had a clear shot at Gaffon from that angle.

Why... why... why did he do it? The question burned within him again, and he clenched his fists against it. Had something happened between the two of them when they were prisoners, that angered Joe enough to kill his own brother? He shook his head, trying to loose the terrible thoughts that stuck in his brain.

A grunt from the bed drew his attention. Adam was trying to move his legs, and had obviously upset the tender skin in his side. "Oh!" Adam cried again, and Ben moved closer to take his hand.

"Easy, now, Adam. Try and be still."

There was a pause while Adam tried to calm his breath. "Pa, it hurts."

"I know, son. But you must lie still, or it could start bleeding again." Even though Adam kept his eyes shut, Ben could read his facial expressions like a book. He watched as his words were taken in, processed, and then understood.

Adam stopped moving his legs and gave his Pa's hand a slight squeeze. "Where's Joe?" he asked, finally opening his eyes.

"Hoss has gone for him. They should be back any time, now."

"He shot me, Pa."

The words bit into Ben, but he tried to hide this from his son. "I know, Adam. But you're gonna be all right, now. Can you try and drink some water?"

They went through the procedure again, Ben lifting his head and holding the glass to his lips while Adam took in as much as he could without choking. He lowered his head back to the pillow and replaced the glass on the nightstand. It looked as if Adam was asleep again, so Ben let go his hand.

Adam's eyes opened, then, and he asked, "Hoss went for Joe?"

Ben nodded.

"Where is he?"

Clearing his throat, Ben took the hand again. "He went out to get some air, that's all. They'll be back soon." To his relief, the door opened, and Hoss stepped inside.

He smiled when he saw Adam's eyes were open. "Hiya, Adam," he said quietly. Hoss' voice still boomed in the small room.

"Joe?" Adam asked again.

"I'm right here, brother," a small, somewhat shaky voice answered.

"Need to talk," Adam gulped. He watched the worried glances that passed between his family members. His Pa let go his hand and moved to the doorway when Little Joe came to his bedside. Adam saw the anger in his Pa's movement as he left the room. Hoss looked quickly between Pa and Joe and then followed his father.

Although he'd been praying fervently for another chance to talk to his brother, now that it was here, Joe had no idea what to say. He sat on the edge of the bed and laid a timid hand on Adam's shoulder.

"Joe," Adam whispered, and then shut his eyes. It was a very long blink. "Joe, I don't want you to-"

"I'm so sorry, Adam! I shouldn't have done it! I shouldn't have!" Heavy tears fell from his eyes and dripped off the bottom of his chin, wetting Adam's arm.

"Joe, don't."

* * *

Ben stood stiffly, looking past his folded arms out the window. Hoss paced the floor behind him, trying to find the right words for what he wanted to say. "Pa," he began.

"Hmm?" His father grunted, not even bothering to turn and face him.

"Pa, it's Little Joe. I'd like to talk to ya."

This time, the man turned. "Yes, what about him?" His anger rose in him again, and though he knew it was not directed at Hoss, he couldn't control his tone.

"Pa, he feels real bad."

"I'm sure he does," Ben huffed. "Where did you find him, the Bucket of Blood?"

"No, Pa, as a matter of fact, I didn't." The words were lost, however. Ben had stormed out of the room before he could hear his middle son's reply.

* * *

When Joe finally emerged from his talk with Adam, Hoss was asleep in a chair in the parlor. Joe nudged him on the shoulder, and his brother awoke with a snort. He blinked in confusion and licked his lips.

"You should hit the sack, Hoss."

"How's Adam?"

"Asleep. Been asleep a while. I just couldn't leave him."

"Things are okay, then."

It was a statement, but Joe knew Hoss meant it as a question. He nodded. "Turns out I did what he wanted, after all."

Hoss stretched and stood. "I can't begin to understand what went on between the two of you, but I'm mighty glad everything's all right now. I think I'll look in on him before I go to bed."

Joe replayed Hoss' words in his mind... everything's all right... no, everything wasn't all right. He reached out and grabbed his brother's arm, stopping him from leaving. "Where's Pa?"

Hoss looked around the room and then remembered. He sighed. "He was mighty upset, Joe. He left just after we come out here."

"Hoss, that was hours ago! You don't know where he is?"

The big man's face became wrought with seriousness. "Joe, he'll be all right. You just got to give him time, that's all."

Little Joe looked back at the open door, beyond which Adam lay. "No, Hoss. I have to talk to him." He retrieved his hat from near the door and walked out.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Every man at the Silver Dollar had already greeted him and expressed concern for Adam. Now, Ben sat in the far corner of the saloon, alternately nursing a bottle of whiskey and raking his fingers through his hair.

"Pa?"

The anger he'd suppressed for hours unveiled its ugly head. Ben raised his eyes and glowered. "What do YOU want?"

"Pa, I've gotta talk to you."

Ben poured another shot of whiskey to hide the angry tremor in his hands. He downed the shot. "There's nothing you can say that I want to hear."

Joe took a deep breath and felt his cheeks burn. "Pa, please, you know me, you know I'd never -"

"The minute you pulled that trigger you stopped being the man I know." Ben stood, picked up his bottle, and headed for the door.

Little Joe grabbed him by the shoulders to stop him. "Pa, please, you just gotta understand!" Joe was surprised when he felt his father's arms tear through his grip. The next thing he knew, he was upsetting a table on his way to the floor. He sprang back to his feet and grabbed his Pa again. This time, it was a solid fist that sent him to the floor.

Joe watched through blurry eyes as his father left the saloon. Some of the patrons- neighbors, friends, and hired men - picked him up off the floor and offered kind words over the murmur of gossip that was already filling the room.

* * *

Dr. Paul Martin didn't surprise easily, especially when it came to Cartwrights. He'd tended the family a lot of years, and had seen them at their best and their worst. Because of this, he slipped quietly past the chair that held the sleeping patriarch and just as quietly disposed of the nearly empty bottle. Returning to the room, he began his examination of Adam.

"How is he, Paul?" Ben asked from behind his back.

"Things are progressing just fine, Ben. He looks good." Paul turned to offer a smile, and saw Ben working at his temples with his fingertips. "Care for some coffee?"

Painfully, Ben opened his eyes. He remembered the bottle, and glanced at the table quickly, then back to the doctor. He offered a feeble smile. "Thank you, Paul."

Doc Martin left and Ben scooted closer to Adam's side. He knew the doctor was competent, but couldn't resist performing his own, fatherly examination. He lifted the blanket and inspected the bandage around Adam's waist. Then he rested his hand against his son's forehead. Satisfied, he settled back in his chair.

"Here ya are, Ben." Paul handed him the cup with a smile, then leaned against the bedpost and sipped his own cup. "Care to share your troubles with an old friend?"

Raising the cup to his lips, Ben kept his gaze fixed on his son. He felt the hot liquid burn the back of his throat before it went down his gullet. "We never stop being parents, do we?"

"No, I s'pose not," came the quiet response.

"You think it's just a job, that starts when they're born and ends when they become men, but that's not how it works at all, is it? On and on, the same hopes..." he brushed a stray curl away from Adam's ear, "fears... dreams. It never stops. It all just grows more intense with the passage of time."

"I s'pose there's some truth to that."

"You teach them everything you know about life, everything! And still, they up and do things you couldn't possibly imagine."

"Ben, he's gonna be all right. Thing's'll return to normal, you'll see."

"No," Ben said with conviction, "things will never be the same now, never."

* * *

"There, is that better?" Hoss asked, after propping Adam up slightly against the pillow. He read the answer in Adam's taut face, despite his brother's words.

"Yeah."

"Doc says you're doin' great, and we'll be able to take you home after a couple more days." His cheerful tone could not dispell the gloom that had settled over all the Cartwrights in the past few days.

"Hoss," Adam began, and waited for his brother to look him in the eye. "Joe and Pa..."

"Don't you worry none about that, Adam. They'll work things out. It's just takin' some time, that's all."

Adam shook his head and tried to ignore the spiking pain in his wound. "No, Hoss-" the pain made him gasp and he had to stop to catch his breath.

"You want me to get the Doc?" Hoss asked with concern. Adam shook his head, so the big man squeezed his arm and helped him wait it out.

"Joe..." Adam began again, "I told him to, that it was the only way."

"I know that, and Joe knows that, but we ain't been able to convince Pa just yet."

"I'll tell him."

Hoss let his breath out through his nose before speaking again. "Adam, Pa could hear it from God Hisself and it wouldn't make no difference. Pa will understand when Pa's ready to understand, and not a minute before."

"Hoss, I've gotta-" another gasp, and another wait for the pain to subside; then Adam continued. "I've gotta try to convince him."

"You just save your strength for gettin' well. I'll talk to him. Just don't expect it to work, Adam. I ain't ever seen Pa like this. I don't know how long it's gonna take."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Joe sat at his brother's side, trading banter with Hoss from opposite sides of Adam's bed. The three were sharing a semblance of a laugh when their father appeared in the doorway. Upon seeing Joe, he turned on his heel and walked out.

Joe stood immediately, but Hoss motioned for him to sit back down. Adam and Joe watched as Hoss stepped out and shut the door behind him.

"Pa," Hoss said.

"How is Adam?" Ben inquired stiffly.

"Fine, Pa, just like this mornin'."

"Good. I'll come back later to-" Hoss placed his hands against his father's chest and halted him in his tracks.

"Pa, I gotta talk to you."

Ben turned his body away from his son. "Why, Hoss? You're going to try and convince me that Joseph shooting his own brother was all right? It's not all right, boy!" He spun around, and Hoss saw the fire in his eyes. "We're flesh and blood, all of us! It was unforgiveable!"

The middle son set his jaw and his voice came out a growl. "Seems to me, if Adam can forgive him, you might do the same."

The words hit Ben like a slap in the face. He stared at Hoss in shock.

"You always taught us not to carry grudges, Pa. You said they just weigh a man down. Was it a lie, Pa? Was it a rule that only applies to other men, and not to family?"

Ben's eyes had drifted to the floor as his son spoke. Hoss moved closer. This time, his voice was softer, almost pleading. "Adam's laid up in there, hurt bad. But he's alive, Pa. As far as he's concerned, he's alive _because_ Joe shot him." The anger flared again, and his voice rose in volume. "Would you 'a' rather seen Gaffon blow his brains out?!"

"Of course not!" Ben snapped.

"Well then open your eyes, Pa! Joe and Adam went through a lot together before that day. They had it all worked out beforehand. Joe did what Adam told him to do. Joe saved his life, Pa. If you can't believe that, at least believe that he thought he was doin' the right thing!"

Silence settled over the two, and Hoss stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I'm goin' back in there. It'd be nice if you'd come in, too." He scrubbed the toe of his boot against the fringe on the rug, and then returned to his brothers.

Ben listened to the heavy footsteps departing from him and eased himself down on the arm of a chair. His thoughts wandered back to that day. Once again, he heard himself shout to Joe. Once again, he saw Joe fire, and Adam fall. The anger burned again as he remembered Adam's bloody body and pale face.

Hoss wanted him to forgive that. How could he?! Just like his middle son, to throw his own words back at him, too. Grudge, indeed. He wasn't holding a grudge... or was he? He heard soft laughter from the bedroom and it became all too clear that he was. Ben stood, walked to the window, and absently fingered the lace window dressing.

He forced himself to go over events again, only this time, he concentrated on Little Joe. He remembered seeing Joe on the horse as they brought Adam into town. The boy was still dirty from his own ordeal, and the look on his face... Ben closed his eyes, trying to remember. What was it, exactly? Worry... fear... shame?

Ben let go the lace and shoved his hands into his pockets. A couple of miners rode by on horseback, grimy from their trade, but wearing smiles at the thought of a night in town... probably headed to the Silver Dollar.

That brought back another memory. Ben lifted his right hand from his pocket and studied the bruised knuckles. He was awash with shame. His own son... his little boy... his baby. He'd never lifted a hand to him in anger before.

It was the whiskey, that's what it was. Ben looked down at his bruised hand and drew in a ragged breath. That was no excuse. Hoss was right. He was the one holding a grudge, and he was the one who had to try and set things right.

Taking a deep breath, Ben turned to join his sons.

When he heard the door swing open, Hoss turned his head away. He had to give his Pa a chance to save face. Ben walked into the room and sat at Adam's bedside. He did not glance at Joe, but in spite of that, Hoss felt he'd scored a victory. It was the first time they'd been in the same room together since the Silver Dollar.

"How are you feeling, son?" He asked Adam quietly.

Adam smiled. He took Joe's hand in his left and his Pa's in his right and brought the two to rest upon each other's. "Fine, Pa, just fine."

Ben felt the warm flesh of his youngest son against his own, and his words to Hoss came back to haunt him. "We're flesh and blood, all of us." Slowly, he raised his head and looked into Joe's eyes. He squeezed the hand gently and offered a half smile. It was the best he could muster, but at least it was a start.

THE END


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